Kenny and I have had some time to digest the bad news of our first failed IVF and we are feeling a little better about it. I know that somehow, some way, we'll have a baby. When our IVF failed I was so sure that we would never have children, but I think I have moved past those feelings now, and am doing my best to keep them from creeping back, as they do from time to time.
We are going to do 1 more IVF. If it fails, my mind may change and I may decide to do another, but at the moment, I only want to do one more. Financially I feel like I hate to keep spending money on IVF if it isn't going to work. For the first time in this process I feel like I am open to adoption. This is a HUGE step for me. I felt like if I couldn't conceive I would rather live without children. I realize now, that was my plan, not God's plan for me. He would not having given me this BURNING desire to be a mother if I wasn't meant to be one, in one way or another. I have been looking at a couple of agencies (Gladney and Alternatives in Motion) and will be sending off for information packets this week to better inform myself of the process.
GIFT OF HOPE...is coming up. This is the program my WONDERFUL Dr. started where he gives a free IVF cycle away to one couple a year. Applications will be available in March, and we will be applying. Words can not describe what a HUGE blessing it would be to win this. Please say a prayer for us.
In the mean time...We will meet with Dr. Storment on Thursday to talk about out next cycle. I'm sure he is going to make some changes so hopefully we'll be successful. Statistically, your chances are just a good going into the 2nd cycle as they are the first, and your chances don't decrease until you have had 3 failed cycles, so success is still a possibility. We will be trying again sometime this summer.
Even though I really enjoyed blogging about my first IVF and the support of my family and friends means the world to me, we are keeping the next a secret. It was too hard having people ask if it worked and having to tell them no. People mean well, but I would just prefer this one to be between Kenny and I. We won't even be telling our family this time. I just can't bare having to call people (even my family who is my everything) crying and telling them I'm not pregnant. Before the first I don't think I realized how hard it would be. Actually, I was so SURE that it would work, it never crossed my mind that I would have to tell people that it didn't.
So, for now we just wait and pray...
"Control that which you have control over"-Dr. Storment
