Still waiting for our Rainbow

Kenny had his appointment with the urologist today. The dr. said it could be a number of things. He said if it is an infection, after the antibiotics it could take a few months for things to go back to normal. So, he wants us to wait two months, then go back for ANOTHER semen analysis. This was not the news that I wanted to hear. We want to have a baby so bad and it is VERY hard to wait when you want something so badly. Of course, I was devastated. It took all I had not to cry at work today.

After Kenny gave me the news, I felt horrible. It seems like all we get is bad news. I kept asking myself, "is the news ever going to get better". In the midst of feeling sorry for myself, I was looking out the window with the kids in my class. The weather matched my mood perfectly. It was raining, depressing, and bleak outside. We were talking about how yucky it looked outside when one of my kids out of the blue said, "after it rains you get to see a rainbow, remember!" Those words touched my heart. I felt it was God. I felt like he was saying to me, "just wait, things may seem bleak now, but I have wonderful, beautiful plans for you." So, for now we have to go through the storm for a few more months. But I know one day, not sure when, but one day we will have our rainbow.

Urology apointment Monday...Please Pray

After Kenny's last blood cell count things have gone from bad to worse. He has gone from having about 2 million, to 14 million, and now 32 million white blood cells per/ml. That number should be under 1 million. Kenny will be seeing a urologist Monday to find a cause and see what the next step is. The Dr has not given us a reason to worry, but of course I am. Kenny's health is my number one priority. Please pray #1 for his health and that everything is ok, and #2 that this appointment gets us one step closer to being parents.

In the mean time we are still taking a break (NOT by choice). Until the we get something figured out with this white blood cell problem they don't want us wasting our money on treatment that won't work.

In the mean time...

We should be getting Kenny's white blood cell count soon, hopefully next week, a little too late. We have already missed our chance to try this cycle so even if things check out we will still have to wait for next cycle. In the mean time I have decided that the best thing I can do for my baby is to get myself healthy. I am back on weight watchers, which helped me lost a little over 10 last month. (I gained 6 of them back over the holidays). I have also been walking and am planning to start running next week. It has been YEARS since the last time I ran! I am going to start the couch to 5K plan which slowly increases the amount of time that you run each session. So, wish me luck!

taking a month off:(

We are taking this month off from the baby making business. We went in at the start of this cycle and Kenny's white blood cell count is still too high (1 million is considered to be high and he had 12.4 million). They don't want us wasting our money on procedures when he has that many white blood cells. They cause all sorts of sperm problems and interfere with implantation. They want him to finish his antibiotics, then come in for another semen analysis to see if it helped. If not, and his white blood cell count is still to high after the antibiotics they will send us to a urologist to see what is causing the problem and get them under control. Please pray that is was just an infection and it clears up so we can start again for our next cycle. In the mean time, Kenny and I are using this time to focus on each other and our wonderful life together. We are so blessed to be so in love with each other and in a way it is nice to be able to focus all my attention on my wonderful husband.

I should mention that a prostate infection isn't serious or painful. The only side effect is infertility and the Dr said many people go years with them without ever knowing until they try to have children.

I don't think this is our month...

Well, I took a pregnancy test today and got what the fertility bloggers call a BFN (Big Fat Negative!). It's not looking like it is going to happen for us this month. We are sad of course, but doing well and trying to stay positive. I've just been trying to keep my mind off of things and stay busy. I just wish I would start my period already so we can start all over! Our doctor thinks that Kenny has a prostate infection which is causing white blood cells to be in his semen, which is not good. At our last appointment he put him on antibiotics, which hopefully will help. Our plan for next month is to pretty much do the same thing (femera, HCG injection, IUI), but with hopefully a better sperm count.

I will praise you in this storm

I recently came across this song by casting crowns and it really spoke to my spirit. It has been difficult for me to remain faithful through this tough journey. But in the end I know that God is in control of our situation, and I will continue to love and praise him for all of the wonderful blessings I have in my life and those yet to come:)

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Started fertilty drugs Sunday

I took my fertility drugs Sunday. I am taking Femera, which I have read is supposed to have fewer side effects than clomid. The first couple days were a snap, but today I feel the hormones raging! I cry at the drop of a hat, and have had crazy hot flashes! It really isn't so bad, it could be much worse. Hopefully it will be worth it in the end! The good news is that since Femera isn't considered a "fertility drug" it was covered by my insurance...YAY!