1 month

Ok, so, it's been 6 weeks.  My goal is to update at least once a month, but taking care of Aubrey is a full time job!  Here are a few mile stones from Aubrey's first month of life...

• LOVES to look at faces.  She loves to stare and study the face of whoever is holding her.
• Lifts her head to look around
• HATES tummy time.  Prefers to do it on my belly where she will push up and look around
• Smiles occasionally, but she has to be in a good mood, and you've got to be very funny!  She will even laugh a little bit
• Likes taking baths, especially being rinsed off
• Enjoys her swing, but prefers to be held ( I may have spoiled her a little)
• Sleeps for 2-5 hours at night
• Loves riding in the car, she falls right asleep, and will stay that way until we take her out of her car seat, which makes it very easy to take her places

Aubrey's birth story

I know it's a little late, and wanted to post this sooner, but, I have a newborn now and free time is hard to come by!  Here is Aubrey's birth story (some may be a little too much information, but it's her birth story.)

Saturday August 4th, I was out shopping with my sister.  I used the restroom while at Academy and lost my mucus plug.  I had read that after you lose it, it can take another couple of weeks to go into labor, so I didn't think much of it.  I was only just past 36 weeks.  I texted Kenny who of course wanted me to get checked out (he's a worrier), but I told him it was fine.  On Sunday I was feeling a little crampy, but nothing too bad.  I figured it was nothing.  I took a nap that afternoon.  I work up at 2:30 and was even more crampy, and my pajama pants were just a little wet.  I was still losing my mucus plug, and on top of that I was having some bleeding.  I wasn't sure if my water was leaking or if it was from the mucus plug.  I called the on call doctor and he didn't think I was in labor because I was only cramping, not contracting.  He said to come in if contractions were 5 minutes apart.  Very soon after that the cramping got worse.  Kenny started timing them and at that point the were 10-15 minutes apart.  I still didn't think I was in labor.  It was just too early.  I called my mom and sister who wanted to come over right away.  I told them not to because I was still not sure I was in labor.  By around 10:00 that night they had gotten to be 5 minutes apart.  We started grabbing our bags (which we had just finished packing that day!) and grabbing a few last minute things.  I finally looked and Kenny and said "Babe, I think I'm in labor!".  We headed to the hospital.  By this time the contractions were getting really strong and it was hard for me to even talk through them.  The didn't admit me right away because I was still early, so I had to go to early labor evaluation for monitoring me.  They were going to monitor me for 2 hours.  When we got there I was dilated 3 cm.  After an hour of really tough contractions she rechecked and I was at 4.  She called the doctor and they admitted me.  She asked if I wanted an epidural.  I was planning to go natural, and still think I could have, but I started to get scared so I said yes.  By the time I got in the room and got the fluids I needed before I could get the epidural I was at 6cm.  The anesthesiologist came and administered the epidural.  I knew it wasn't working.  I could still feel my contractions and my catheter was hurting me.  I knew I shouldn't be feeling that.  She called the anesthesiologist back in.  He said he could take it out, and re do it, but couldn't guarantee a better result.  I said no, I'll just deal.  He put another kind of medicine in and that helped my contractions a lot.  Soon after all of that the dr came in.  I said my water did break, but not all the way, so he broke it the rest of the way.  At this point they realized the baby had already had her first poop in the birth canal.  This could have been very dangerous is she had inhaled it into her lungs.  At that point they called the NICU nurses and told them to be on stand by.  They would have to come to the room when she was born to suction her lungs and make sure she was ok.  I was finally at 10 and we started pushing.  After only 3 or 4 times pushing with the nurse she was ready to come out.  She called the doctor and NICU nurses and everyone came in the room.  I pushed with the doctor for just a few contractions.  My epidural still wasn't working and I was in a lot of pain and ready for her to come.  Finally at 5:52 ( a little over 13 hours of labor!) August 6th, Aubrey Claire Hogan made her entrance into the world, 6 pounds 6 ouncues, 18 inches long.  I can't even explain that moment.  She was perfect.  Because of the meconium in the birth canal we weren't able to hold her right away.  The nurses took her and suctioned her.  Nothing had go into her lungs and she was perfectly healthy.  I was still unable to hold her due to some tearing during the delivery so while the doctor was still working on my Kenny held her and brought her over so I could see her.  She was so beautiful!  It was a little over an hour before I finally got to hold her.  When I did I was able to nurse her for the first time.  It was a moment I'll never ever forget.  WELCOME TO THE WORLD AUBREY!  YOU ARE SO VERY LOVED!

33 Weeks!

Yesterday I hit the 33 week mark!  Only 6 weeks and 6 days left until I finally get to hold my baby girl in my arms.  I am just so excited to finally see her.  She has been getting bigger and her kicks have gotten stronger.  I can usually feel baby parts sticking out, which is a little strange.  Her new thing is the hiccups.  She gets them about once a day.  It's so cute, and usually makes her start kicking like she's frustrated.  I've been feeling A LOT more uncomfortable the past couple weeks.  I have had a lot of pressure in my pelvic region, especially when I lay down, which makes sleeping not very pleasant.  I also itch really bad, mostly at night. 

I am still working on controlling my gestational diabetes with my diet and it's going really well.  It has been much lower the past couple weeks than it was before, and I'm so glad.  The diet is a bit of a challenge because I still crave things I can't have (I've been DYING for pancakes from KD's!!!).  But, it's all worth it to keep my baby girl safe and healthy.  If things keep going well with my blood sugar My doctor will let me make it to 40 weeks.  If something happens and I am no longer able to maintain it and have to go on medicine he will induce sometime between 38 and a half and 39 weeks. 

Last week was our first prepared childbirth class.  They teach you techniques to cope with the pain of labor.  We have three more.  After this weeks we will take a tour of the birthing center (I am giving birth at memorial hospital for women).  I'm kind of excited about that because it makes it feel like we're almost there!  I'm also taking a breastfeeding class this week. 

I'm also so excited the nursery is done!!  I had such a good time getting it ready and can't wait to see her in it!  It turned out really cute:)

29 Weeks

I can't believe I am 29 weeks already!  My third trimester has started out great, though I have noticed a little more swelling in my feet.  Aubry is super active these days!  When I do my kick counts I usually count 10 kicks in less than 5 minutes.  So blessed that she is a healthy baby and can't wait to hold her in my arms finally!

6/10-Baby shower!  I got lots of really great things.  I am so blessed that my friends and family were so generous.  There isn't much left to buy.  Mostly just small things.  I have also started working on the Nursery I will post picks when I'm done.  I'll also post the pictures from the shower once I get them.  Thanks so much to my friends and family for all that you guys have done:)

6/11-The day after my shower I got a phone call from my doctors office and was officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  I was very upset.  I went yesterday and met with a nurse and dietitian.  They gave me a meal plan and said I should be able to control it through diet.  I have to take my blood sugar 4 times a day, once in the morning, then 2 hours after breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I was crushed when they told me and felt responsible.  They assured me it's nothing I did, it's all based on hormones.  My focus now is my diet and keeping Aubrey healthy by eating the right things.

That's pretty much it for now!

25 Week Update

I've been a bad Mommy lately and have been neglecting my blog!  Aubrey and I are both still doing well.  Her heart beat is usually in the upper 140s-lower 150s.  My blood pressure which I have been worried about seems to be ok, and has been around 140/70 ish, which is better than before.  I feel great, though my belly is getting bigger and some tasks are starting to get a little more difficult, like putting on shoes and socks, shaving, ect.  Sleeping is also kind of rough since it is hard to get comfortable, and I have to pee about 5 times a night.  But, I'm not complaing!  This pregnancy has been great, I just can't wait for her to get here!!  Here are a few note worthy developments...

  May 1st-  My co-workers threw me a baby shower!  It was so sweet of them, and I got a lot of really great stuff:)

Co-worker baby shower



May 13th-My first Mother's Day (well, pre-mother's day I guess)

My first Mother's day gifts:)



May 17th-Kenny Felt Aubrey Kick for the first time!!  We were both really excited.  He says he could see it too.

Here are a couple of other fun pics:)

Aubrey's "coming home" outfit





Wreath for Hospital Door

19 week update!

Almost half way there!!!! I had a doctors appointment yesterday and all is well. Babies heart beat
is in the upper 140s. I have gotten to where I feel her kick everyday. Kenny is so anxious to feel her kick too.

My blood pressure has been a little high. At my last appointment it was 150 something over 94, this time is was I think 140 over 92. He doesn't seem too concerned, he just wants to monitor it for now.

My weight gain is about 8 pounds (although when I weigh at home more like 5, I was weighing a little heavier at the appointment). I can't understand how, because my belly is getting big! He said I am gaining slowly, but isn't concerned about that either. All women gain differently, and I'm just on the low side. He measured me and I measured at exactly 19weeks, so he's not worried. He said to make sure I'm not restricting my calories (he obviously doesn't know me very well, lol). I had gained wieght before pregnancy due to the holidays, and also the failed IVF, so I think it is just leveling out. I'd rather gain too little, than too much!

I started my baby registry yesterday, it was pretty fun, but also overwhelming! Daddy of course loves using the gun, and I made sure I let him make some of the decisions (even I thought it was silly). The crib should be here soon, I can't wait!

It's a GIRL!

Kenny and I were both really hoping for a girl, and are so excited! We are naming her Aubrey Claire Hogan, and can't wait until she gets here! LET THE SHOPPING BEGIN!

Symptoms and such (10 weeks)

I thought I write a blog about how I've been feeling lately, so here goes...

Nausea started around a week after I found out, but luckily didn't last long. I am now 10 weeks, and haven't been sick in a few days.

I've had pulling sensations in my lower abdomen since around 8 weeks, mostly when I stand too fast, or roll over in bed.

The worst has been the fatigue!!! I have been so tired! My new bed time is around 7, and sometimes I fall asleep on the couch even before that!

My clothes have started to get tighter! I think I'll have to buy new scrubs for work VERY soon.

Luckily my wonderful husband and daddy to be has been taking supper great care of me. He has been doing all the cooking and cleaning when I feel too tired. I'm one lucky Momma:)

My next prenatal appointment is in a week!

4 years, 2 little lines

Prepare yourself, this blog will be LONG! I stopped blogging a while ago, because it was too painful, and Kenny and I decided we wanted to keep it all to ourselves. So, here is where I left off...

June 2011-We undergo our 2nd fresh IVF cycle. Things went perfectly. We transferred 3 really great looking embryos. Dr. Storment only wanted to transfer two because they looked so good, but said with our past failure, he would transfer three. Unfortunately, it did not work. We were happy, however, that we had two extra embryos make it to be thawed. We made plans to transfer them both asap.

November 2011-A year after our first IVF we prepared for our Frozen embryo transfer. We were hopeful, because like the last 3 embryos, these two looked really good. Despite our optimism we decided this would be our last attempt at IVF. It was hard both physically and emotionally. We decided to move on to adoption if it didn't work. November 20th, we had our negative blood test, we were not pregnant, and believed we would never be. I got my period a few days later on Thanksgiving day. We handled things ok, and started making plans for adoption. We looked in to some agencies, and started researching the process. Turns out, we wouldn't have much time to contemplate adoption.

My very next period, was late. This was my first cycle after the IVF so I figured my cycle was just a little irregular from the meds or something. I thought nothing of it. Kenny even joked about it a few times, and I shrugged him off.

By new years eve (4 years to the DAY that we decided to try for a baby), I was 10 days late. We planned to go out with friends. I had 1 test left over from the IVF. I figured well, let me take it before we go out, just to put my mind at ease. It was a digital test. I took the test, then went to make some soup. I walked in the bathroom and glanced at the test, and to my surprise...it said "yes+". "WHAT!?!?" I still didn't believe it. I figured the darn thing was broken. So, I go to the drug store and buy two more tests, this time the ones with lines. They both immediately came up with two lines. By this time Kenny is getting home from work. I show him the tests, he looks like he doesn't believe it either. So we go back to the drug store for more tests. We got all different brands and kinds. We now have 5 positives!

I called my sister to ask her what would make all these tests positive (because I still wasn't buying it!) Her Nurse practitioner was working in the ER at Moss, so she calls him and asks if he will do a blood test. Yes, I went to the ER for a PREGNANCY TEST!! When they took my vitals my blood pressure was high and my pulse was 110! I was for sure on edge. They did a urine and blood test. The nurse practitioner poked his head in and said "the urine test is positive, now we're waiting for the results from the blood test." I STILL didn't believe it! I over heard him say the number outside of the room, but was like, that can't be my beta. He comes back in and tells my my beta is 3,426, which is right on track. I was really pregnant!!!! Honestly, I still had a hard time buying it (and really still to the day can't believe it). It is absolutely a miracle, no other explanation.

My first 5 positive pregnancy tests:)

Ok, as happy as I am, I have one rant...when we started talking about adoption, everyone told me "oh you'll get pregnant when you adopt". I really hated this. What a terrible reason to adopt a baby. We wanted to adopt for a family, not so I could experience pregnancy. Now that it happened people say, "see, you relaxed". I don't for one second think that when we chose adoption our bodies just magically started doing the right thing. Many people adopt, and never conceive, or do, but it takes years and years. This was our time. God had this baby picked out for us from the beginning. Even though we didn't know how it would happen he did. If someone had cancer would you tell them they are sick because they are stressing and just need a vacation? To me it is the same thing. We took 4 years to conceive because it was in the plans for us. Why? Not sure yet. We have learned a lot, and grown closer to each other and God. Over the past 4 years I have been faithful, angry, then faithful again. Each time I came back to God I felt a little closer to him. Is this the reason? I'll never know for sure, but he does:)

First Ultrasound taken 1/19/12, 8 weeks 0 days

If you look in the middle you can see a tiny little baby:)

Second Ultrasound, taken 1/23/12 8 weeks 4 days,

baby measured 8 weeks 2 days (normal for them to be off by a few days), and heart rate 165

Had some time to think about the next step...

Kenny and I have had some time to digest the bad news of our first failed IVF and we are feeling a little better about it. I know that somehow, some way, we'll have a baby. When our IVF failed I was so sure that we would never have children, but I think I have moved past those feelings now, and am doing my best to keep them from creeping back, as they do from time to time.

We are going to do 1 more IVF. If it fails, my mind may change and I may decide to do another, but at the moment, I only want to do one more. Financially I feel like I hate to keep spending money on IVF if it isn't going to work. For the first time in this process I feel like I am open to adoption. This is a HUGE step for me. I felt like if I couldn't conceive I would rather live without children. I realize now, that was my plan, not God's plan for me. He would not having given me this BURNING desire to be a mother if I wasn't meant to be one, in one way or another. I have been looking at a couple of agencies (Gladney and Alternatives in Motion) and will be sending off for information packets this week to better inform myself of the process.

GIFT OF HOPE...is coming up. This is the program my WONDERFUL Dr. started where he gives a free IVF cycle away to one couple a year. Applications will be available in March, and we will be applying. Words can not describe what a HUGE blessing it would be to win this. Please say a prayer for us.


In the mean time...We will meet with Dr. Storment on Thursday to talk about out next cycle. I'm sure he is going to make some changes so hopefully we'll be successful. Statistically, your chances are just a good going into the 2nd cycle as they are the first, and your chances don't decrease until you have had 3 failed cycles, so success is still a possibility. We will be trying again sometime this summer.

Even though I really enjoyed blogging about my first IVF and the support of my family and friends means the world to me, we are keeping the next a secret. It was too hard having people ask if it worked and having to tell them no. People mean well, but I would just prefer this one to be between Kenny and I. We won't even be telling our family this time. I just can't bare having to call people (even my family who is my everything) crying and telling them I'm not pregnant. Before the first I don't think I realized how hard it would be. Actually, I was so SURE that it would work, it never crossed my mind that I would have to tell people that it didn't.

So, for now we just wait and pray...

"Control that which you have control over"-Dr. Storment

A week later....

And it still hurts. I still cry daily. My hips are still so sore from the progesterone shots, which is a constant reminder of what we have been through. Some days are better than others, if I try to stay really busy. Some days are hard. Kenny as been picking up some extra shifts at work so we can try to pay off our loan, so that we can take out another loan to pay for the next. It's when he's working and I'm alone that it's hard. I'm stuck between needing the money and needing my husband home with me. Today is one of those hard days.

I have been trying to look at the positives. Lots of people can only afford IVF once, and we will have the money to try again this summer. God has provided for us the opportunity to try again and I'm thankful for that.

Also, all of this has made me appreciate my friends and family even more. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. Thank you all for being here for us. It means more than you can know.

And last my husband, I feel closer and more in love with him than I ever have. He is so wonderful to me. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful person in my life. I know it's hard on him too, but he stays positive, and I could not get through this without him.

Looking to IVF # 2

Our first IVF cycle failed. We are hurting pretty bad. It was one of the most crushing phone calls I have ever received. We had tried to prepare ourselves because we had gotten negative pregnancy test, but even though I knew, the phone call still hurt. I am grieving for the three babies that were transferred. I had gotten attached to them and for the week between my transfer and the negative Beta test, I was pregnant. I had three embryos living and growing inside of me and now they are gone. It really hurts.

But, we are trying to stay strong and hopeful for the next cycle. In a couple of weeks when the pain of the loss wears off we will meet with Dr. Storment to talk about what went right, what went wrong and what changes we can make for our next cycle to be successful. We are hoping to try again sometime over the summer.

Transfer

Yesterday I had the transfer. All went well. They ended up transferring all three of our embryos. They were all three at the early blast stage and they couldn't really tell which ones were the healthiest so they transferred all three of them. I asked Dr. Storment what the chance of triplets was and he said very little, less than 1 %.

It was really neat seeing pictures of them and watching them be inserting into my uterus on ultrasound. Let's just hope at least on sticks!

So, here's the funny part...I was instructed to come with a full bladder for the transfer, and I took my orders seriously. I drank a whole bunch of water on the way, not knowing that once I got there I would have to wait almost an hour for the transfer. I had to go so bad, I asked if I could empty my bladder, then drink to fill it back up. The Nurse said I could empty half of my bladder, then drink to fill it back up. I knew there would be no way to stop once I got going so I just decided to hold it. By the time the transfer came, I was hurting. Dr. Storment looked at the Ultrasound and said, man, your bladder is full! So, after the transfer he drained my bladder with a catheter so I could rest more comfortably (you have to lay flat for 30 mins before they let you up). So there I was, spread eagle, on the table, while he drained my bladder in front of Kenny and about 3 other nurses and such. After about a minute everyone started laughing at how long it was taking. Dr. Storment even made an Austin Powers reference! Good thing I lost all shame and dignity about a billion vaginal ultrasounds ago!!!

Transfer pushed back to Saturday

As of yesterday all three embryos were still going strong. All had made it to 8 cells. Transfer will be tomorrow. They will be transferring 2, which means if all three make it we will have to freeze one. I will be on bed rest all weekend, fun! At least Kenny will be off so I won't be alone.

Our Embryos

All three of our embryos are doing great! 2 have made it to 4 cells, and 1 is at 2-cells. They are all a grade 1, which is the best they can be. I was glad to get the phone call, because last night I had a dream that one of them didn't make it. If they are all still going strong tomorrow, they will transfer on Saturday, if we only have two left tomorrow they will do the transfer then. I am so hopeful that this is it, and one or two of these will grow and be our baby/babies:)

Retrieval

Yesterday's retrieval went pretty well. I was a little sore afterward and it hurt to walk around, but I made through and am feeling much better today, still a little soreness, but nothing I can't handle. I was worried about being put to sleep, but it was really no big deal. It just felt like I took a little nap. Dr. Storment said when they woke me I hoped off the operating table like I champ. I have no memory of that, when I got to the room I remember asking the nurse, "How did I get in this bed" haha. Dr. Storment said I was his star patient of the day:)

So the important part...
They were able to get 5 eggs (a little low for my age, but I was on different medicine than most, because I ovulated through the "normal"med they used, so that may be why. Of the 5 eggs, 4 were fully mature. They embryologist called today and said of the 4, 3 were fertilized and doing well. They will have a better idea tomorrow about how they are dividing. It was a little emotional of a phone call. Those embryos are my babies! One (or two) may actually end up being my child/children. It is a really strange feeling. It feels like I am attached to them already and if they don't make it, it will feel almost like losing a child or miscarrying. If you are reading this, please say a prayer for them.

Because there are only three, it will more than likely be a three day transfer, so they will be placed back on Thursday. That means Thursday and Friday I will be on bed rest. Not looking forward to it, but what ever it takes to keep those babies healthy!!

Here is a picture of me before the retrieval at the hospital (before the drugs, lol)...

We're getting close!!!

Today I went for more Labs and pre admitted at the hospital. I am thinking Monday. Things were great with the labs. I was worried about my uterine lining because I was spotting, but it only had to be at and 8, and it was at a 12! Nice and thick for those little embryos to implant. My mom came with me. "Are you getting excited? " she asked as we were leaving. The truth is, I'm having a hard time getting excited. We've been trying for so long and been through so much it's hard to believe there may be a baby at the end of this. I am really just so hopeful. I think it won't feel real until I see a heart beat.

UPDATE

I had more blood work done today. All is well! He left me at 100iu of follistim and 1 amp of menopur. I still haven't started the Ganirelix, that will more than likely be Thursday when I go in for more blood work. Estimated ER is Tuesday, and we are hoping for a 5 day transfer.

Last post I mentioned a little bit of constipation. OMG is it hurting! I am so bloated I feel like a Kentwood Water Jug! Digesting food is so painful I have been limiting myself to small meals only. The nurse said I could take something for it, so hopefully a stool softener will help. The cramps are the worst!

On a non-fertility related note-Wednesday I will have been married to the love of my life for three years:) These have been the most wonderful three years, and I can't wait to see how our love grows when we are finally able to add to our little family.

Things are coming along:)

I started my inject-able stims Friday. It hasn't been too bad. The menopur burns going in, but the follistim is a snap (it can in a pen, how handy!). The only side effects I had had are gas and constipation (I know, TMI, but this blog is so I can always remember what I went though and share it with my child). I have also been a little on the tired side, but nothing I can't handle. I should be on these shots for 10-14 days then I will have the egg retrieval (my first time being sedated, I'm a little scared), and the transfer 3-5 days after that. I am praying for a Christmas miracle! Here's a pic of the supplies for my nightly routine...

Only a couple of days left of Birth Control

I've been on the Birth Control pills for a few days now. Things are MUCH better this time around. Last time the BCPs made me sick, and I spotted the ENTIRE time. This time no spotting and they haven't been making me sick unless I take them on an empty stomach. I go back friday for blood work and should be able to start my meds that day. I ordered the new med and am waiting for it to come in. The Lupron was only about $170, but the new med he replaced it with (Ganerelix) was $500! For only 5 injections! I just keep hoping and praying it is all worth it in the end.

I have been looking at baby stuff (I can't help myself!) and have found a couple comforters that I like. Here are just a couple of the MANY ideas that I like.